Standing firm against form.

Another Christmas soon passes.  I found new love this year and did not settle down.  I am still chasing a dream.  So much gambling.  So much risk taking.  One wonders: will I manifest my desires?  Are those desires sound?  This Christmas I am again houseless yet fortunate to have a warm vehicle to live and sleep in.  I once lived in a French chateau.  I once had a trust.  These are hard changes to explain to myself let alone others.  I have $1.22 in one account and I'm over-drawn $103.34 in my other account.  I don't get paid for 24 hours.  This is America for many.  I was so distraught last week I bought cigarettes.  I have had only three cigarettes this year.  That is something that we must nip in the bud. 

Standing firm means denying the demon what it wants.  As Gurdjieff would say, you don't do; it does.  Standing firm means making space in yourself.  Standing firm means taking that space and not letting it fill improperly.  Standing firm means staying pure.  Standing firm against form means ignoring what is front of you and imbuing that space with light - particularly the light of gratitude - and with your vision for what could be in the now.  Exercise exercises the demon.  It fatigues the demon.  Healing means finding what rises you above the demon. 

None of this is easy.  We are addicted to convenience.  We are even addicted to food at times though we need healthy food.  One day at a time.  Sometimes one moment at a time.  If you can't exercise, you have to at least walk.